Memories drifting,
autumn's leaves falling to die
shades of Summers past.
The arrival of A the cat last week was not without its own disruptions both here and at New Home 2.0. For here of course, the adjustment of having a cat again where there has been none for the past year. At New Home 2.0, sadness that he will not be as a regular dweller any more.
This thought dogged me as I made the drive to work this week, leading me to consideration of the last time we were all together. To my mind that was likely the end of 2020.
Not that 2020 was without its own challenges, what with the Plague and a change in careers. But it was the last time that - as far as I can recall - everyone was home and all of the pets were with us.
It made me sad as I drove on through the traffic lights and made the turn onto the main road for work. So much - so very much - had happened in that intervening period of time. Moves, job changes, deaths, graduations, first careers - all things that over the time, conspired to slowly pull things apart.
2020 me would not recognize the life that I am living now.
---
This week, one of my cousins - probably the one I am closest to - let us know that his partner, who has battled cancer for years, took a turn for the worst. 2 weeks at best, 4 weeks at the outside.
We had brunch together in May when I was down to The Ranch. Yes, there was cancer being battled, but that was not something we discussed at all other than swapping a few jokes about hair loss. I thought about it this last month, but my visit there took another turn.
My cousin is the son of my Aunt Pat, who was diagnosed with cancer last year.
I cannot remember the last time that side of the family was all in one place. We are simply too spread out at this point. Most of that group was present for my mother's funeral in June of 2024; a perhaps far happier time was for my niece and The Brit's wedding last November.
---
There is an inevitableness to all of this, of course: time only continues forward and is merciless. Things unwind and dissolve and nothing will bring them back into being. We never truly know or grasp when we have the "last time" for anything (my father in law The Master Sergeant who passed away last October: when was the last time I had seen him before he went into the hospital? Not later than the first quarter of 2024, which seems like a lifetime ago now).
---
The incomparable Old AF Sarge posted yesterday something called "The Quiet Mind". If you have not read it, I commend it to your attention. His discussion of simply seeking harmony resonates with me, perhaps now more than ever.
For whatever reason, change seems to be shredding my reality. That harmony, that 和¹ (Wa), matters more to me every passing day.
The memories continue to drift, driven faster by a world I no longer understand.
Time flies, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteIt does Sandi. More than I care to admit.
DeleteDesiderata my friend.
ReplyDeleteFor those that may not know the reference:
DeleteGo placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
by Max Ehrmann ©1927
Yah, those sands of Time falling in that hourglass never stop eh TB? Grab those closest to you and tell them what's in your heart.........
ReplyDeleteNylon12, Time is an ever increasing stream, picking up speed through rapids to the cataracts, beyond which is a very different world.
DeleteTime has no mercy.
ReplyDeleteSarge, I am feeling that more and more. Something changed last year, something I am not fully cognizant of except to recognize its impacts on my thinking and my life.
Delete